That was my exact question to my doctor this morning as he came into the exam room. He laughed and said, "it's whatever number it needs to be for you." No, not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear, yes, it sure is. We have everything figured out and all diagnosed now so nothing else should stand in your way of having a baby. Great. Whatever number it needs to be for me. Well if it isn't a 7 or 8, we won't be back. So for all of our sakes, let's pray for that lucky number 7 to take, shall we? So far, this time doesn't feel lucky. I way more stressed out than last time, not as confident and a lot more symptomatic than I remember. I have continued to bruise myself so badly with the Lupron that my husband has had to take over giving me the shots for the time being. I have had the most severe headaches I have had in a long time, and for a kicker, my eye has decided it's going to twitch. Constantly. For about a week now. AWESOME. I asked why that was and my doctor immediately attributed it to stress. Great, how do I get it to go away when the stress just keeps piling on?
On a good note, my teaching job is going wonderfully. Although preschool hasn't started yet, so that is still to be determined and hopefully not too much more stress or I'm afraid my body will just shut down on me. One of the things I was afraid of has already happened. I found out today I messed up my regimen by overtaking my antibiotic. Oops. I knew working and going through this at the same time was going to be tricky and I was so afraid to miss something. However, in this case, I didn't miss anything. I missed stopping it! Luckily, it's not that big of a deal. I'm just exceptionally clean of bacteria at this point:) And the prescription can be refilled for when I need to continue taking it in a week. I was supposed to take it for 7 days, stop for a while, then take the last 5 days. I just forgot to stop and kept right on going. So proud of myself for finishing it because it was very strong and upset my stomach. It also interacts with the prenatal vitamin so I have to make sure I take them at separate times throughout the day and I cannot have dairy when taking the antibiotic. It was quite annoying to work around so I am slightly annoyed I have to take it yet again for another 5 days. But that is the least of my worries. I have to make sure now that I apply my estrogen patches on time and don't mess those up! I also have to pray big time that when they do thaw the embryos that some of them survive or all of this will have been for nothing. For some reason, that fear has crept into my mind over the past 24 hours and won't leave. Now on top of my fear of another miscarriage, I am constantly worried about that...there goes the eye twitching again.
My husband and I are a little worried because both of our minds have not been focused or in the game at this point. Hopefully the doctor's appointment today turned things around and we can focus, relax and let these actions work so we NEVER have to speak of such things again. Twins. Twins would be nice. Even one. But we want a baby, a family, and most of all, this struggle to be over. These wants are so strong now, they are needs. Persistent prayer. Funny, no, ironic. That's what I taught my second graders about this week in class. Abraham and his persistent praying and how it finally paid off in the end. Too bad it only took him how many years?? Hopefully for us, our prayers are answered after 3 years. I ask for your prayers that I may not forget any more of my regimen, get rid of some of this anxiety and stress and that my damn eye stops twitching so that when I am on bed rest I can REST! 7th time better be a charm.
