Monday, July 18, 2011

Speed Bumps and Road Blocks

All of life can basically be compared in driving and road sign analogies. Each little hiccup in someone's life can be compared to a speed bump that makes you slow down, look around and be careful about the direction you are going. Some speed bumps can turn into road blocks if you're not careful or don't slow down enough while driving over them.  A change in career, having a baby, buying a house, getting a divorce, losing someone you love. All of these major life changes or difficulties can affect our lives in good ways and in bad. Today, let's look at the good.

A miscarriage to some may not be just a speed bump, but a road block or even a fork in the road. For us, it's both. We have a road block because we are now stuck until we save up enough money to try again with a frozen transfer or save up for adoption. It is also a fork in the road because which way do we go? Do we do the FET or adoption? I thought my previous 5 fertility treatments were just speed bumps slowing us down until we could get to the other side and have a baby. Now, I'm convinced I'm right. They made us slow down to realize that it is a family we truly want and we will do anything to get there. During those speed bumps we held hands to get through the roughest parts and stayed together to someday make it to other side still in tact. We prayed to God for strength and even cursed at times when we didn't think we would make it. It reminds me greatly of the time on our honeymoon in Hawaii when we were on the road to Hana. It's a treacherous road that's mostly on the side of a mountain and one lane the majority of the way. I was scared to death, but I knew, eventually we would make it to the other side. We had scary moments of falling rock or looking straight down over the side of the cliff and seeing nothing but water. We felt isolated and alone, away from everything we knew and loved. We felt a rush of adrenaline and a sense of adventure. But mostly we felt alive and strengthened by each other. That is exactly how I would explain our infertility journey. We are still alive and we are still together. You can't be more blessed when you think about it that way. To some it is the end of the world not to conceive your own child. But as I have said before, I will not be beaten and my path keeps looking brighter. I may or may not have a blood clotting disorder they can fix. I have just started a new job/career that will help us to save up the money we need to do whichever path opens up...FET or adoption. We just celebrated 5 years of marriage and 11 years of being together. We have survived some of the worst speed bumps a marriage can go through and are coming up on some of the last ones in our infertility journey. There is an end in sight...THANK GOD. How this will all end I'm not entirely sure. Our car will not come out unscathed (the car being my body!). It has endured many pokes and bruises along the way, but what's life without a little adventure, right?

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