Monday, May 23, 2011

Good and Bad Moments Each Day

Today is a good day, so far, that is. It can be ruined or made even better by the slightest thing. My emotions go up and down at the drop of a hat and my abdomen is already sore. Thankfully, that's because my baseline ultrasound went really well and the Lupron did it's job! It kept me from ovulating so I have tiny follicles already in there just waiting to thrive on the Follistim! I am in day two of Follistim shots or "stimming" as the infertility world terms it. Stimming is exciting to's a step in the right direction after 11 days of Lupron shots where I felt on hiatus. I was just in a holding pattern in my head, waiting to begin the REAL stuff.

So in my process, this is Cycle Day 4. I continue the prenatal vitamins, baby aspirin, extra folic acid tablet, Lupron (now down to 5 units) and Follistim (300 units) until my next appointment on Friday. The stim shot is quite funny to watch me try to give to myself. I struggled with the first one last night because I was so used to the Lupron quick in and out shot. I forgot how slow, if you can even call it that, the stim shot is. You have to wait for it to dial down to 0 after it having been all the way up to 300. Now, I know it's not a long time in any sense, but when you are giving yourself a shot, it tends to feel like forever. Especially, when you struggle to push the pen top down because the dose is so high. When you are pressing down, it's like the clicking of a roller coaster until it gets to the top of the hill. Click, click, click....300, 275, 250.......100, 50....finally 0! I did it! Thank God that's over. Ouch...because I had to switch hands in the middle of it to get a better angle at pressing the top down, I bruised my belly by moving the needle around. Oh well...many more bruises to come I'm sure! As soon as the shot was in, it was like a rush of adrenaline. We are finally doing this again! My husband and I were so elated last night, all fears, anxieties and doubts washed away by one shot. Hopefully it lasts through the two week wait...highly unlikely!

Throughout my days on these shots, I go from being excited, happy and very productive in my nesting/super cleaning process, to crying at commercials, songs, words somebody says or pictures I see. It's overwhelming sometimes just how much the pendulum can swing in such a short span of time. I have to keep reminding myself to stay grounded, not to get too angry at the little things and for God's sake stop wanting to cry every 5 seconds! It's absolutely ridiculous!

As I mentioned above, the baseline ultrasound went really well. That turned my bad Saturday that I was having into a good Saturday at that moment. The bad part came from the waiting for an hour when I knew I was the first appointment of the day just to see the doctor. Oh yeah, and the fact that the receptionist somehow thought it was a good idea for her to have a "bring your kids to work" day. What the hell? Really? All I could do was laugh with my husband at how insensitive the whole concept was. You're a receptionist at an infertility clinic. There's a room full of infertile men and women desperately trying to conceive children. What makes you think bringing your children to sit with you at the front desk is a good idea? I can't believe the doctors allow that in their office policy somehow! And of course they weren't well behaved, polite and quiet children. No. They were running in and out of the room, talking and yelling loudly, fighting with each other and eating donuts. Now, I was the 7:45 appointment before they really started seeing patients at 8 am.  So I of course was immediately taken back for my blood work and then sent back out to wait for the doctor. Just before 8am, I could hear his voice and got excited. I shouldn't have. I love my doctor and he is definitely worth the wait. But when you see that you have a room full of patients waiting on their Saturday morning as well. Don't you think it would be a good idea to get moving? Instead, my husband and I, and the other patients, just sat there and listened to them converse with the kids about the donuts and the weather and what they were all doing for the weekend. We heard laughter and jokes, but not one person's name called back. Somewhat unprofessional in my eyes, but hey...they make the big bucks that we are so desperately throwing at them so I guess they can make us wait as long as they want. They know we will! I finally was called back at 8:20, but still waited in the room for another 25 minutes until the doctor came in. REALLY??? Oh well. He had his happy face on and was extremely friendly, nice and talkative so I guess I shouldn't be so impatient. I just think that was a little too long and a little too outrageous with the kids for a fertility clinic to be conducting themselves in that manner even though it was a Saturday morning. But like I said, my bad day turned to good when I saw those little follies growing. Again...all the anger washed away by a single ultrasound and the words "all clear to start Follistim".  We're just hoping Friday's experience isn't the same.

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